A Year in Review

I looked at the calendar this morning and the date seemed familiar.  It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized why.  A year ago today, I became a stay at home mom.  My last day of work was July 7, 2011 and it's been quite a ride since!  In the last year, I've grown as a mom, a wife and my own person.


Staying home full-time forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and I wasn't impressed with what I saw.  I had an almost non-existent relationship with my son.  Being pregnant since he was 9 months old didn't help that.  He became a complete Daddy's boy and cried when I held him.  I was pretty much chopped liver as far as he was concerned.
During that time, I felt like a horrible wife.  I always seemed to be stressed and irritable.  We share one car between us and so, even though I only worked part-time, I drove hours a day after our son was born.  I would drive The Husband to work, drive home, get ready for work, drive The Boy to my in-laws or other babysitters (30 min away) and then drive to work (another 20 min).  After work, it was the same, just in reverse.  Did I mention I hate driving?  We wouldn't get home until 6:30 and both of us were too exhausted to make dinner.  Or clean.  Or do laundry.  All I wanted to do was eat something, put The Boy to bed, unwind for an hour or so and go to bed.  I worked all day on Saturday and we spent the day at The Husband's parents' house every Sunday, so it felt like we never saw each other.
I also didn't take care of myself as well as I should and I ate like crap.  Well, I'd eaten unhealthily most of my life, but it got really bad those last couple of years before I became a stay at home mom.  


In the last year, much of the above has changed for the better.  I'm not all there because life is a journey and these things take time (how many cliches can I use in one sentence?)  However, I feel that I've made a significant positive turn in my life as a whole.


I feel that I'm a much better parent to The Boy than I was when I was working.  I had been distant, stressed and preoccupied.  I feel a little guilty that The Girl has had the 'better' mom all along, but I've managed to mend my relationship with The Boy and he's much more open and loving toward me.  It gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. 


I also love the fact that I am here to see my children grow and learn new things.  It's an amazing experience and I am so thankful that I am able to witness and be so much apart of their lives.  There are always bad days, even weeks, where I wondered if I was crazy to leave my job and stay with my kids.  I'm not a 'kid person'...and sometimes they baffle me or get on my last nerve.  That's when I remind myself just how stressed I was when I was working - and that was only with one child!  


I feel that my relationship with The Husband has gotten stronger since I started staying home full-time.  I have time to do all the things that I couldn't before and we actually eat at a decent time now!  He helps around the house when it gets ahead of me (which is nearly always) and then we have time to actually spend time together.


More than my relationships with my children and my husband, staying home full-time has forced me to take a long, hard look at myself.  I didn't like what I saw.  I was unhealthy and had let it get out of control and it was affecting everything in my life.  I was lethargic and miserable.  It wasn't until November that I decided to do something about it.  I decided to take it a day at a time; exercise three times a week and work on eating smaller portion sizes.  I started the next day and haven't looked back.  I've been much more active and felt a hell of a lot more healthy, happy and proud of myself than I have in a very, very long time.   On a purely weight-type win, I just recently hit one of my major goals of passing the 'Obese' to merely 'overweight' (my BMI, that is) category.  More on that in another post, though. 


So, here is to another year of positive growth.  I'm looking forward to what it brings.