I Wish They All Could be California Moms

In light of it being Mother’s Day on Sunday, I decided to share about my mom and, inevitably, my dad.  I apologize to any of my readers who also read my Brother's blog as there is bound to be some crossover (since he wrote about our parents this week).

My mom got married the same month she turned 19 and then proceeded to move across the country from California to New Hampshire with her new husband - a man she had known about a year before marrying.  They were engaged after about two weeks of dating and married 6 months later.  

My Dad was 5 years her senior, in the Navy and had a...questionable...past.  My mom only had one boyfriend before Dad and was about as naive as one can be.  She was even voted by her high school “Most LIkely to become a nun.”  If I was friends with my mom at that time in her life, I would have told her he was bad news and to keep looking (I’m pretty sure family members did).  I’m glad she didn’t.  I would not have been born.  My 3 brothers and 1 sister would not have been born either.  

31 years later, they are still married. Not to say that they haven’t had their rough patches.  What couple married for that long hasn’t?  But they have always taken their promise to love and cherish each other through good times and bad very seriously.  I’d say two major things have kept them together in the hardest of times and brought them closer during the good times: their love of God and love of music.  These loves are what, as their daughter, I see as the foundation their relationship is built upon.  

Soon after they moved across country, my mom gave birth to my oldest brother.  She went back to work for two weeks and couldn’t stand being away from him, so my parents made the decision for her to stay home full time.  It’s a good thing, too, because within the next two-and-a-half  years, she had given birth to three children!  There was a bit of a break in the childbearing after that.  I’m not sure if Dad thought they were done, but I know Mom knew they weren’t because she had been praying back before she was pregnant with her third child and felt God tell her that she would have her ‘Samuel’.  So, when she found out she was pregnant, she was sure it was her Samuel.  So, when a screaming baby girl was born, she was a bit surprised.   You’d think I would have a complex after being told this story countless times, but I really don’t mind being a Sarah instead of a Samuel.  And I don’t feel that she was sad I wasn’t a boy.  She still got her Samuel - four years later.  He’s the favorite.  Not my Mom’s favorite (she’s been amazing at not showing favoritism at all), but everyone’s favorite.  But now I’m not only getting off topic, I’m encroaching on Josiah’s blog even more than anticipated.

Growing up with my mom at home was amazing.  I absolutely loved my childhood.  We lived on the edge of State Forests and would spend hours walking the paths to the river, picking blackberries or just exploring.  We built forts in the back yard with fallen (and felled) trees, and swung from wild grape vines (not kidding - it was AWESOME!) like Tarzan.  These are things that we would not have had time to do if we were in daycare all day.  At least, not to the degree that we did.  

I am so glad that my mom was not a helicopter mom.  She was very laid back and let us play so long as it wasn’t obviously life-endangering.  She also let us be kids.  We got dirty and messy and then proceeded to trudge through the house, sit on the couch and be generally oblivious of the mess we were making.   Mom’s attitude was, “meh, it’ll wash out,” or, “That’s what vacuuming/sweeping/ect is for.”  Which we did.  A lot.  At least, the three oldest of us.  My mom made sure to teach us how to clean properly.  We had chores.  Lots of chores.  I thank God that she taught us how to clean because that has come in handy now that I have my own place.  

My mom also made sure that we had a very musical childhood.  My two older siblings had piano lessons and we were all in children’s choir growing up.   I loved singing and making up dances to music at home.  Mom always had music playing during the day.  I now understand more than ever why she did this.  It can keep you from going stir crazy while staying home with little kids!  She also sang ALL THE TIME.  There was one time that my sister and I woke up to her singing...in a microphone...past midnight.  I’m pretty sure we got up and told her to knock it off (in the nicest way, of course).  She didn’t just sing at home, though.  She sang while grocery shopping and running errands.  Sometimes I loved it, other times it embarrassed the hell out of me.  I’m still on the fence about it, though I catch myself humming to my children while being out and about.  

Mom and Dad assumed our family was complete with their four children.  However, four years after Samuel was born, we were all surprised by the arrival of my parents’ fifth and final child.  the wild child, Josiah.  My mom had a bit of a rough time after he was born because she was homeschooling the three oldest of us and chasing Sam around.  Josiah was born smack dab at the end of August (which, anyone who knows public schools in the Northeast knows that’s when school starts).  This was a pivotal time in my mom’s life...and my parents’ marriage.  Up until then, she had been trying as hard as she could to fill the role as ‘perfect mother’ and ‘perfect wife’ (not to mention teacher) and it all came crashing down after Josiah was born.  Not necessarily because of Josiah.  I think having a fifth child at that time of the year was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
 
My grandma came out to help with the children, but had to go back to California after a couple of weeks.  She wisely saw that my mom wasn’t ready to be left alone with five children in her state, so she drove my mom and all five kids to my aunt’s house in Missouri.  We lived there until Christmas and started going to public school while my mom recuperated and my parents worked through their issues long-distance.  As an eight-year-old, I didn’t realize how strong my Mom had to have been to finally come to terms with her shortcomings and the fact that she couldn’t force herself to be someone she wasn’t.  After years of trying, she essentially told my father, “This is who I am and what you can expect from me.  Take it or leave it.”  I can’t imagine how scary that must have been.  Especially with five kids!  To my father’s credit,  he accepted this and they worked things out.  

Soon after Josiah was born, my dad got laid off.  I’m not completely sure when this was exactly.  It feels like it was right after we came home from Missouri, but it was probably a few years later.  Either way, Dad had no job and Mom had no post-high school education.  My parents made the tough decision that it was time my mom started working outside the home.  She went to school to get her CNA license and started working in various nursing homes.  Sadly, she worked 2nd shift, so we didn’t see much of her.  It fell to the oldest three of us to help keep the house running, which included watching the two younger boys.  

As much as I would have loved to see my younger brothers have the same childhood I did, I know my mom did what she had to do to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.  I admire her for plunging back into the workforce and still managing to be an amazing, supportive  mother to her five children.  

As we grew, my mom encouraged us to find our various passions in life.  To find out who we were, what we wanted out of life and to take chances.  She refused to tell us what to do in various situations.  That’s not to say she wouldn’t listen to our concerns or talk decisions through with us, but her inevitable response when we asked her what to do was, “Pray about it.”  Whether or not we actually did pray about it, I think her pushing us to make our own decisions about the paths in life we chose to take helped us become the unique individuals we are.  

There wasn’t much my parents wouldn’t let us do.  If it was something they didn’t agree with or had an issue with, they’d let us know their stance and then let us make our own decision.  They’d rather us make a mistake while we were still living at home and have a support system in place to help us back on our feet than to make us wait till we were out on our own and have nowhere to turn when things went south.  

Now, all five of us are grown up and out of the house.  We are each our very own person with our unique personality but all love each other very much.  This is largely due to our very unique, loving mother who made sure to raise five distinct, creative and music-loving children.  

I love you, Mom!