I've been feeling like writing a post for a couple weeks now. The problem is that I honestly have no idea what I want to write about. Usually, I'll be mulling over something in my mind for a few days...or even a week...and then write a post. This time, I just want to write, but have no idea what about.
A lot has been changing in my life lately. It's definitely in a place of incredible flux...but there's no one focus to it. Just day-to-day boring things that I wouldn't want to read about, so why should you?
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Moving On
My journey to health has always been about more than merely losing weight. It's been a focus on healthy living. Not just physical; but mental, emotional and even spiritual. It's been about taking a really hard look at myself as a whole and discovering who I am and what kind of person I am...then making the necessary changes when I cringe.
Honestly, as difficult as it's been, the physical health journey has been the easiest. All I have to do is change what and how much I eat while getting out and moving more. Pretty simple when you get down to it. The other aspects are what have been giving me trouble.
I have struggled with strong emotion my entire life. I'm a very emotional being. I am an extreme personality. I either love or despise. Learning moderation is one of the hardest things I've ever done (and continue to do...because it's a process). That said, I hold on to to things much longer than is healthy and when something sticks in my brain, it tends to stay. There are times when this can be a good thing; mulling something over in my brain that just doesn't sit right. It's how I process. Hell, it's how I got through college and writing papers. It's how my mind works.
The problem comes when I can't come to a satisfactory solution inside my head. Then, the mulling becomes obsession and I can't let it drop. This opens the door for confusion, hurt, anger and, eventually, bitterness to enter the picture. Once it's there, bitterness tends to infect everything I think and feel to some degree. I opened the door to bitterness over 8 years ago and am just now making some headway with moving on.
I'm honestly not sure what happened recently. Maybe it's the running. Maybe it's that I'm really taking a hard look at who I am and what I've become. Maybe it's that I'm finally starting to mend my broken trust with the Church and God (which, to be honest, is where all this started in the first place). Maybe it's because I'm finally feeling comfortable with the idea of who I am. Me. Myself. Alone. Without being dependent on anyone telling me who that is. No-matter the reason; I have found myself finally, inexplicably free of bitterness and anger. It's gone. I just woke up one day (Monday, to be precise) and it wasn't there.
It's like I'm seeing the world in a completely different way. I am still me. I am more me than I ever have been. But, things that bothered me no longer do. Ideas and individuals who drove me to utter frustration no longer have a hold on me. My mind is able to let go. I am able to move on. Leave the past in the past and look to the future.
It feels amazing and I never want to wallow in bitterness and anger again.
Honestly, as difficult as it's been, the physical health journey has been the easiest. All I have to do is change what and how much I eat while getting out and moving more. Pretty simple when you get down to it. The other aspects are what have been giving me trouble.
I have struggled with strong emotion my entire life. I'm a very emotional being. I am an extreme personality. I either love or despise. Learning moderation is one of the hardest things I've ever done (and continue to do...because it's a process). That said, I hold on to to things much longer than is healthy and when something sticks in my brain, it tends to stay. There are times when this can be a good thing; mulling something over in my brain that just doesn't sit right. It's how I process. Hell, it's how I got through college and writing papers. It's how my mind works.
The problem comes when I can't come to a satisfactory solution inside my head. Then, the mulling becomes obsession and I can't let it drop. This opens the door for confusion, hurt, anger and, eventually, bitterness to enter the picture. Once it's there, bitterness tends to infect everything I think and feel to some degree. I opened the door to bitterness over 8 years ago and am just now making some headway with moving on.
I'm honestly not sure what happened recently. Maybe it's the running. Maybe it's that I'm really taking a hard look at who I am and what I've become. Maybe it's that I'm finally starting to mend my broken trust with the Church and God (which, to be honest, is where all this started in the first place). Maybe it's because I'm finally feeling comfortable with the idea of who I am. Me. Myself. Alone. Without being dependent on anyone telling me who that is. No-matter the reason; I have found myself finally, inexplicably free of bitterness and anger. It's gone. I just woke up one day (Monday, to be precise) and it wasn't there.
It's like I'm seeing the world in a completely different way. I am still me. I am more me than I ever have been. But, things that bothered me no longer do. Ideas and individuals who drove me to utter frustration no longer have a hold on me. My mind is able to let go. I am able to move on. Leave the past in the past and look to the future.
It feels amazing and I never want to wallow in bitterness and anger again.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Hi
Hello All!
It's been some time since I've sat down and put fingers to keyboard on here. Not that I haven't thought about it and not that I haven't had time. I just haven't. It's the nature of things. I'm kind of lazy at heart and have had a lot of other things in my life that are changing at a staggering rate...so my writing has suffered.
I own a house now!
To be more specific, my husband and I borrowed a TON of money from a bank and are now living in a house that has our names attached to it. Yay!
Oddly enough, this house of ours is in the very same town I grew up in. In fact, it's not even two miles away from said plot of land I grew up. I'd say 'house I grew up', but that's not exactly true as the house I grew up in no longer exists. I'm less distraught about that than you'd expect and actually celebrated they day they tore it down. The new house is much nicer - and safe!
Even more exciting, the road my house is on abuts the very same woods I grew up exploring! You know that whole article I wrote about the woods and how it was 'home' to me? Well, I live RIGHT NEXT TO IT now! And so do my children (one would hope)! That means my children will grow up exploring the same woods I did! I cannot convey to you the excitement I feel knowing that. We've already gone to the river and looked for blackberries - though they're a little too young to enjoy that bit quite yet. The prickers can be a bit overwhelming...and painful.
I run now!
"What?!" You say. "I thought you swore off running last fall!"
I did. I really did.
I actually took a bit of a break from all healthy activity from September-December last year (right after I ran a 5K). It wasn't my best decision ever and I reasoned it away by excuse after excuse. Some of them very good (ie: I'm looking at a gazillion houses and that's taking up all my time, my treadmill is behind a mountain of boxes, we're moving, my treadmill is in the shed so I can switch it out with the elliptical my dad has a mile away, it's winter and I don't want to work out because it's dark and cold and miserable...etc, etc). It being the winter and holidays, my eating wasn't all that healthy either. Suffice it to say, January rolled around and I tentatively stepped on the scale only to face the bitter truth that I'd put back on 10 of the 50 lbs I'd worked so hard to shed.
I took a good, hard look at myself and decided I really had absolutely no more excuses not to be healthy. True, I'm far away from most gyms, but there are a lot of things one can do to be healthy with no gym in the picture. I had an elliptical, for one. So, I started to use that. I also have an Amazon Prime membership - which has Instant Watch (and some pretty corny workout videos), so I started using that to get moving when the elliptical was too monotonous.
Then, we got cable TV. I was nervous that it would turn me into a couch potato. TV is one of my weaknesses and it sucks me in. That's when I realized there was an entire fitness video section On Demand! What?! Cardio Kickboxing?! Pilates?! Seriously, who needs a gym?
Once I got warmer outside, I started walking around my new neighborhood. It's about a mile and a half loop. Not bad. By June, I was bored. I started to have the urge to run, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Not on my road. Not where all my new neighbors could see me struggling. After a week or so of this, I got fed up with myself enough to stop caring what others might think and gave it a go. I ran until I couldn't and then walked for a bit...then ran...and walked...and ran...and walked. No real rhyme or reason...though hills played into whether I ran or walked a lot (walk up hills, run down...and run as many straight-aways as I could manage). I did this for about a week before I asked for help from a professor I had in college who is a runner. She suggested a book, Running for Mortals. I finally got around to reading it a couple weeks later and it completely changed my outlook on running.
I was actually heading in the right direction (with the running and walking), but now I have it all timed out and I am keeping my energy up through my run instead of killing it in the first ten minutes. Woot!
Now, I find myself looking forward to running and am sad on the days it's not scheduled.
And that's it for now because my kids are waking up from their naps and parental duty calls!
~Sarah
It's been some time since I've sat down and put fingers to keyboard on here. Not that I haven't thought about it and not that I haven't had time. I just haven't. It's the nature of things. I'm kind of lazy at heart and have had a lot of other things in my life that are changing at a staggering rate...so my writing has suffered.
I own a house now!
To be more specific, my husband and I borrowed a TON of money from a bank and are now living in a house that has our names attached to it. Yay!
Oddly enough, this house of ours is in the very same town I grew up in. In fact, it's not even two miles away from said plot of land I grew up. I'd say 'house I grew up', but that's not exactly true as the house I grew up in no longer exists. I'm less distraught about that than you'd expect and actually celebrated they day they tore it down. The new house is much nicer - and safe!
Even more exciting, the road my house is on abuts the very same woods I grew up exploring! You know that whole article I wrote about the woods and how it was 'home' to me? Well, I live RIGHT NEXT TO IT now! And so do my children (one would hope)! That means my children will grow up exploring the same woods I did! I cannot convey to you the excitement I feel knowing that. We've already gone to the river and looked for blackberries - though they're a little too young to enjoy that bit quite yet. The prickers can be a bit overwhelming...and painful.
I run now!
"What?!" You say. "I thought you swore off running last fall!"
I did. I really did.
I actually took a bit of a break from all healthy activity from September-December last year (right after I ran a 5K). It wasn't my best decision ever and I reasoned it away by excuse after excuse. Some of them very good (ie: I'm looking at a gazillion houses and that's taking up all my time, my treadmill is behind a mountain of boxes, we're moving, my treadmill is in the shed so I can switch it out with the elliptical my dad has a mile away, it's winter and I don't want to work out because it's dark and cold and miserable...etc, etc). It being the winter and holidays, my eating wasn't all that healthy either. Suffice it to say, January rolled around and I tentatively stepped on the scale only to face the bitter truth that I'd put back on 10 of the 50 lbs I'd worked so hard to shed.
I took a good, hard look at myself and decided I really had absolutely no more excuses not to be healthy. True, I'm far away from most gyms, but there are a lot of things one can do to be healthy with no gym in the picture. I had an elliptical, for one. So, I started to use that. I also have an Amazon Prime membership - which has Instant Watch (and some pretty corny workout videos), so I started using that to get moving when the elliptical was too monotonous.
Then, we got cable TV. I was nervous that it would turn me into a couch potato. TV is one of my weaknesses and it sucks me in. That's when I realized there was an entire fitness video section On Demand! What?! Cardio Kickboxing?! Pilates?! Seriously, who needs a gym?
Once I got warmer outside, I started walking around my new neighborhood. It's about a mile and a half loop. Not bad. By June, I was bored. I started to have the urge to run, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Not on my road. Not where all my new neighbors could see me struggling. After a week or so of this, I got fed up with myself enough to stop caring what others might think and gave it a go. I ran until I couldn't and then walked for a bit...then ran...and walked...and ran...and walked. No real rhyme or reason...though hills played into whether I ran or walked a lot (walk up hills, run down...and run as many straight-aways as I could manage). I did this for about a week before I asked for help from a professor I had in college who is a runner. She suggested a book, Running for Mortals. I finally got around to reading it a couple weeks later and it completely changed my outlook on running.
I was actually heading in the right direction (with the running and walking), but now I have it all timed out and I am keeping my energy up through my run instead of killing it in the first ten minutes. Woot!
Now, I find myself looking forward to running and am sad on the days it's not scheduled.
And that's it for now because my kids are waking up from their naps and parental duty calls!
~Sarah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)